Your Erotic Private Eye

The language in these stories is often profane and the sexual encounters are explicit. I write these stories as if we are one and the same person – and sometimes I think we are! Scroll down for two short stories – more to come.

Not your Average Murder
by Paddy Killeen
Approximately 3300 words
When I was asked to resign for the Toronto Police I decided to go back to my Irish roots, but before I set up shop as a private eye in Dun Laoghaire, I went on a leisurely cruise of the Pacific Islands. There I found a mystery to be solved and a gorgeous woman who, in spite of the sweltering heat, was prepared fuck all the way back to Tahiti.

Russian into Marriage by Paddy Killeen
When a tough Russian financier stormed into my office he actually wanted me to fuck his son’s fiance and photograph it!

The Horny Heiress by Paddy Killeen
She lives in a castle but she’s afraid and all alone – Killeen gives her the comfort she needs.

Follow a weekly summary of Paddy’s love life and the trials and tribulations suffered by a man who finds it difficult to resist temptation.

My Office in Dun Laoghaire, Ireland, a fleamarket shopper’s paradise.


1. The Last Reality Show by Paddy Killeen
Approximately 11,500 words

When the beautiful Bedelia Frome asked Paddy Killeen to act as her boyfriend for a week he first suggested she needed an escort agency, not a private detective. However, after she’d explained her situation and flashed a wad of cash, he could hardly refuse her request.
Bedelia’s late uncle had bequeathed his considerable fortune, which he made producing sleazy shows for American television, to six beneficiaries. However, certain conditioned had to be met. All of those hoping to gain from his had to endure the rigors of one of his reality shows to qualify for the big payout. It promised to be a very unpleasant week for Paddy, but with a contract for a percentage of Bedelia’s share and the prospect of seducing his extremely attractive client, any concerns he might have had were swept aside.
This last reality show was to take place on the late uncle’s private island, situated off the coast of County Cork. It was the same place that he had humiliated dozens of dubious celebrities who were desperate to rekindle their faltering career. Unfortunately, where large amounts of money are involved, greed will raise its ugly head and some will even stoop to murder to get a bigger piece of the pie.

2. The Green Madonna by Paddy Killeen
Approximately 10,000 words

Detective Paddy Killeen had never heard of a semi-precious gem called Olivine until a very attractive woman hired him to track down a missing lump of the stuff. It was not just any lump, it was claimed to look like the Virgin Mary, and it had the potential to bring thousands of pilgrims to the estate where it was mined.
The so-called figurine was thought to still be in the immediate area and his job was to interview a small group of eccentric employees, find the one capable of theft, and recover the artifact. While attempting to smoke out this individual he also had a murder to contend with, and to complicate matters even further some of his suspects were only too willing to drop their panties for him.

3. Death on Deadman’s Island by Paddy Killeen
Approximately 10,500 words

When detective Paddy Killeen receives a phone call from his friend in the Philippines asking for help he’s only too glad to offer his services. Liam belongs to a small expat community on Deadman’s Island, so called because its shape resembles the outline at a crime scene.
A group of Americans, Australians, and Europeans, married to Filipinas, have chosen to bask in this tropical paradise rather than take their brides back to their own countries. In general, they got along quite well together, but there’s always a troublemaker somewhere, and in their case, it was a large burly Norwegian who intimidated everybody, including his own wife. The man, named Steinar, ended up dying in a house fire that the local police believed to be an accident. However, the expats were convinced it was murder, and although most of them despised the man, they didn’t like the idea of a killer being loose in their community.
When Paddy gets involved he digs up a lot of dirt that some would have preferred to have left buried. As a result, he almost gets killed himself. But there are always compensations and as usual, his came in form of a willing sexual partner.

4. Blood on the Water by Paddy Killeen
Approximately 9,500 words

Few people would expect to find a Japanese spa in the middle of Ireland, detective Paddy Killeen certainly didn’t. When he was hired to clear Yoko Sato, the attractive owner, of a murder, he soon found himself living in luxurious surroundings with an equally attractive personal assistant assigned to him.
Yoko’s deceased partner Louie Lavoie, whose boat exploded crossing the lake, was a lady’s man. He had a love-hate with almost every member of the female staff and had slept with most of them. Paddy was up to his neck in suspects and that made it a difficult case. Fortunately, they had an excellent wine cellar, superb cuisine, and he didn’t always have to sleep alone.
He almost felt guilty when he sent in his bill – but he did it anyway.

5. Lab Rats by Paddy Killeen
Approximately 10,000 words

As Paddy Killeen’s fame as a private detective was spreading, he was occasionally asked to speak at conventions and universities. One such talk took place in the little Eastern European republic of Edythja. The internationally renowned university there was situated on an island in the middle of a huge lake. A former penal colony, it had been transformed into a center of learning, along with well planned residential and business areas.
Inspector Natalja Sedrova, a young and unusually attractive woman, took a special interest in Paddy as she was anxious to learn from a man with so much experience. However, during his short stay, a dreadful crime was committed, and she asked if he would help her to solve the case. Saying no to a beautiful woman does not come easy to Paddy and fortunately, many women find it difficult to say no to him.
Does the mini-skirted, long legged inspector succumb to his charm? Read on!

My landlords, The Colonel and his wife Wanda run the charity store downstairs.

This is the bar owned by Aoibhe’s parents, it’s conveniently located across the street from my office.


My apartment, not quite big enough for two people to live in – that suits me fine.

Irish Names – a Brief Explanation

Ireland was occupied by England for hundreds of years and many Irish names became Anglicised. Surnames like O Murchadha, O Suilleabhan, Mac an Bhreithiun, and O Cillin, evolved into Murphy, Sullivan, Brown and Killeen. Likewise, Christian names like Ruadhan, Padraig, Nollaig, Maoliosa and Maire, became Rowan, Patrick, Noelle, Melissa and Mary. Today, many Irish are reverting back to their traditional names, which for non-Irish speakers can prove difficult to pronounce. There is an accent in Irish called the Fada which is used with long vowels á, ó, ú, í and é, unfortunately, my computer is not compatible and so I have to leave them out. I apologize.

The Irish Language

Ireland is a bilingual country with Irish being the first language. Although it is taught in schools only about 15% of the population speak it fluently. It appears on street signs and official buildings and in some commercial signage in the West of Ireland where Irish is more widely spoken. There is a distinctive and attractive Irish Alphabet but alas it seems to be falling into disuse in favor of Roman letters.

Dun Laoghaire – a great place to live, work and play.

Free Online Sex Toy Catalog

%d bloggers like this: