There’s a Goth Up My Ass

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by Cristiano Caffieri

Robbie Hartman didn’t like going to funerals and tried to avoid them but when his dear Uncle Tom passed away he could hardly refuse to go. He attended the viewing prior to the service at Shanah Bently’s Funeral Home. Surprisingly the mortician of the same name turned out to be a very beautiful woman in her late 20s.

She was dressed in black with a sad demeanor, as one would expect, but when their eyes met she smiled at him. This gave him the impression that she might fancy him and he planned to follow up on that when the ceremony was over.

With Uncle Tom planted firmly in the ground, sandwiches were served in the local church basement and as soon as Robbie got out of there he headed back to the funeral home. When he entered that creepy viewing room again he got the shivers and was just about to turn around and leave when a voice coming from behind a red velvet drape startled him.

“Can I help you,” said the voice, and then Shanah Bently emerged looking even more gorgeous than the first time.

“O – I was here for Tom Hartman’s funeral – I think I may have left my gloves somewhere.”

He pretended to look around and then suddenly found himself face to face with her as she moved in for a close-up.

“Is that the best excuse you can come up with?,” she smiled.

“Hmm – what do you mean,”

“I think you wanted to see me again.”

“Well hmmm – yes – to be honest I did,”

“And now you’ve seen me?”

“Well hmm – I wondered if you’d like to go out some time.”

“How about Thursday,” she asked, looking directly into his innocent big blue eyes.

“Thursday would be fine,” he replied, somewhat surprised at the fact it had been so easy, “I could pick you up at – say six and we could go somewhere nice for dinner.”

“I know somewhere nice,” she said, “I have an apartment upstairs and I’m an excellent cook.”

To say he was shocked would be an understatement and although he didn’t much like the idea of actually dining in a funeral home – he readily accepted.
When Thursday came around he was tingling with excitement and he had every right to be but later he was to have some reservations. Shanah met him at the door dressed in black as she was before but now she also had black lipstick, black eye shadow and a studded black leather collar around her neck.

“I’m a Goth,” she said, “I hope you like Goths.”

“Love then,” he mumbled as she escorted into the somewhat macabre living area that had a mass of candles burning and Gregorian chants playing in the background. The meal she served was delicious and then they sat together and watched a Gothic movie. Shanah snuggled up close but didn’t try to make a move on him and Robbie, who was still a bit on edge, didn’t make one either. He would have loved to plunge his hand down the front of her low cut dress and caressed those lovely tits that protruded provocatively but he didn’t.

When the movie had finished she sensually slipped out of her seat and taking his hand led him to the bedroom. There were more candles burning and the smell of some mysterious and almost overpowering potpourri permeated the air. However, it was the sight of the bed that shocked him. Designed as a queen sized casket complete with a red velvet lining and brass fittings it seemed a little bit over the top even for a mortician with Gothic tendencies.

“Why don’t you take off your clothes while I go a freshen up,” she whispered, “I’m going to give you the best time any man ever had.”
Robbie, hovering between panic and lust, nervously fumbled with his buttons and zips until he was completely naked. He didn’t want to sit on the edge of the bed or on the stool that was shaped like a human skull. In the end he just stood there looking up at the hangman`s noose hanging from the ceiling and wondering what it was for.

The next shock made the previous ones insignificant by comparison. Shanah emerged from the bathroom wearing nothing but the leather dog collar and a strap on dildo. As his jaw dropped a mile she sashayed over to him, pressed her pointy breasts on his chest and covered his lips with hers. As their tongues wrestled with other their dicks sort of crossed swords below.

Robbie was both excited and confused, this was a completely new experience and it was about to get more bizarre when she demanded that he lean over the bed and stretch out his arms. He complied but got quite worried when she reached back towards the head of the bed and pulled out a pair of restraints. She attached these to his wrists and then she slipped off the bed and nailed his the ass like Vlad the Impaler. Although she had greased her artificial dick with great gobs of some sort of cream, it still felt as though she was going to completely wreck his prostrate. What made it more bearable was the fact that she was jerking his dick with one hand as she went in and out of his anal cavity.

When Shanah felt that he might be cumming, she quickly withdrew her plastic shaft and grabbing on to the hangman’s noose she pulled it down until she could lift his legs and place his feet in it. With him swinging like an old suspension bridge she moved and sat underneath him.

She took is stiff cock between her lips, grabbed onto his balls with both hands and gently swayed his body backwards and forwards so that he moved in and out of her mouth. Sometimes she would suck on it as it went in and sometimes she’d let it glide freely. It felt terrifyingly good.

When he shot his load he pulled hard on his restraints and fucked her face hard in order to work out all of his cum. She found that rather funny and tried to laugh, even though her mouth was full.

When she’d released him, and unbuckled her plastic appendage she climbed on to her freaky bed and opened her legs. Robbie took hold of her ankles and pulled her down until he could kneel on the floor and sink his head between her thighs. As he carefully moved the lips of her pussy apart with his fingers, she gasped, followed by a whining sound when his tongue began to flick around the rim.

Shanah moaned and groaned and gyrated her ass as he kept his lips and tongue sucking and licking the fringes of her pink petals. When she was about to cum she threw her arms back and bounced her body up and down crying out, ” O my god – O my god that feels so fucking good.”

Robbie stood up and looked down at her beautiful nubile body as she fingered her cunt with one hand and furiously rubbed her tits with the other. He wasn’t sure whether she was expecting him to fuck her there and then and so he just kept watching waiting for her to lead the way.

She was full of surprises and suddenly sat up and began to batter him around the head with the flat of her hands.

“You fucking bastard,” she cried out, “I’m going to get you for that,” and she got up and followed him around the room continuously slapping him. To prevent her from hitting him anymore he grabbed on to her hair and held her at arm’s length,

“What the fuck is a matter with you,” he cried out as she struggled to get free, “You’re acting crazy.”

At that moment Shanah managed to free herself enough to grab hold of his dick. After all the beating he’d taken it wasn’t very hard but she gripped it and then manoeuvred herself so she could use her other hand to squeeze his balls.

She squeezed them so tight it completely immobilized him and his eyes were almost popping out of his head. Then just as suddenly as she started the rampage she brought it to an end, letting go of his dick and bending over the bed she begged him to fuck her.

Needing to get his shaft hard again he moved up to her bum and rubbed it against her soft skin, then he slipped it up and down her crack. She forced her ass further back pressing him to stick it in and stick it in he did. He gave her one big thrust and drove it in up to the hilt, leaning over and grabbing her tits at the same time.

“Holy fuck,” she cried as he started to ram it in and tighten his grip on her tits.

“Fuck me hard – hurt me if you like,” she whimpered as it slipped in and out of her love tunnel with ever increasing force.

“It didn’t take long for Robbie to cum and when he spewed his goo inside of her she screamed the place down and immediately turned around and sucked every last drop out of his dick.

“That was great – wasn’t it,” she laughed, sitting on the floor, looking up at him with those dark Gothic eyes.

“It was good,” he replied, dumping his sore bum down beside her, “It was different – but it was good.”

“We should do it again and have a threesome, there’s a very attractive woman in the preparation room right now.”

“Do mean a stiff?” he gasped, almost unable to believe his ears.

“We prefer to call them the departed.”

“Speaking of departing I really must go I have an important sales meeting early tomorrow morning,” he lied, and when he hightailed it out of there he didn’t look back until he had reached the safety of his own home.

Three months later he was at his grandfather’s bedside when the old man drew his last breath.

“I guess we’ll have to call the Shanah Bently Funeral Home,” said Grandma, wiping a tear from her eye.

“Don’t send him there,” cried Robbie, “That crazy bitch will probably jump into the casket with him naked.

Grandma looked at him over her wire-rimmed glasses, “Sometimes you say the most stupid things,” she muttered, but then, when she glanced back at her deceased husband – he appeared to have a faint smile on his face. THE END

All you ever wanted to know about sex toys

Copyright 2014 Cristiano Caffieri

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